I became a real feminist this week. I spent a week with my sister and got little insight into what you women have to go through daily for just existing. First and only Incident where I wasn’t there was on a bus where an old man called my sister out for taking a picture out the window with the flash on to finish the roll on her … camera. She politely told him it was only one picture and it wouldn’t happen again but he continued to complain so she responded appropriately. It was resolved but the first example of unnecessary input from a man where she wants to just go about her day.
Next me and my sister are on our way to work. We stop off at the local co op to pick some milk up and get some other bits for the kiosk. My sisters holding the bag inside it starts to get heavy so I offer to hold it. It’s heavy but I’d rather carry it than her because I want to be gentleman. We leave the shop and this random builder starts telling my sister she should help me carry the shopping. ‘You should help eachother’ vibe which is just so mansplain and unnecessary. The entitlement fucks me off and it’s not even aimed at me. As if he’s trying to teach her a lesson on how to be when he’s just made someone going about their day uncomfortable for his and in his mind mine own benefit. I just don’t understand what’s going on.
Then later on I’ve been doing a series with the youngers at work who would rather do a TikTok video for an ice cream than pay for it so I was making videos with them and notice my sister telling one of them off for not having respect. I learn one of these little boys no older than 11 was doing the wanker hand gesture to my sister. First off how does one that young know about wanking alone. Secondly how does one that young have the audacity to do that to a grown up. Obviously because she’s a woman. I told him and all his friends what he did was wrong. He eventually apologised but tried to rationalise his behaviour by saying he thought she was my girlfriend. Obviously I made it clear it doesn’t matter who she was to me you don’t treat any woman that way but I shouldn’t have to say for it to be known.
Last event was yesterday. My sisters been having trouble with her car for a while. She’s trusted my dad to fix it who’s supposed to know more about cars. His guy didn’t service it properly. So she tried to fix it herself independently by hiring this guy with good reviews. He comes is very nice and is being helpful. My sister was with him for 7 hours in our underground car park where you need a fob as part of the keys to leave at any point. There’s trust there. Time goes on the job takes longer than it should. Still not fixed. She mishears him asking for £450 for his work at the end of the job he’s not fully completed. She says she thought it was £150. A simple miscommunication where instead of him saying she misheard him he gets super aggressive loud and confrontational. I was there for this so stepped in. He then said he’d try one more thing to help and asked for her keys. She gives it to him trusting him and he takes them. Says he won’t give them back until she’s paid.
Keep in mind there was never an issue with paying him what he was owed it’s the fact it went from 0 to 100 because of her simply mishearing him. I get closer to him to grab the keys back and he squares up to me. I’m prepared to fight but I know that’d make my sister more stressed and she’s the priority. All I cared about was her being ok and all I’ve seen this week is different men of all ages take the piss because they can and I’m sick of it. I don’t even have to deal with it and I’m sick of it. Anyways, in this last situation once he exploded he wouldn’t make eye contact with my sister or let her finish a sentence. I explained to him that the issue wasn’t with the money but how inappropriate the way he communicated was for if i wasn’t there god knows what he could’ve done to her. Physically taking her keys keeping her trapped in the car park not letting her leave until she paid what he could’ve made more expensive if I wasn’t there. It’s just the audacity to behave that way and why so many men are.
Me personally being selfish wanted to hit him the moment he took those keys but I know these things escalate in the modern day and it would’ve made my sister feel worse so it wasn’t worth it. Away from how he acted the money owed was right so it didn’t have to escalate it’s just his behaviour was disgusting and it’s not right how comfortable men feel acting that way towards women where they completely disregard how they feel for their own benefit. Because they’re bigger and exampled today can physically overpower them weight is thrown around but it’s really not on. We have to set a new standard for ourselves as men and those around us cos this culture has gone on for far too look and it’s not one I’ll be a part of. Women never resort to violence and handle things maturely with great communication because they’re classy, something we can be but won’t be because we say we can’t be it as ‘men’.
I’ve now decided to go gym more and start boxing so the next time something like that happens I feel more assured when it comes to defending the women in my life but it shouldn’t have to be that way. It’s really embarrassing and I’m ashamed to call myself a man when fuckers like these exist.
I come from a working class background love all the women in my life and strive to be more like them than the men in my life. That comes across as me being flamboyant and I embrace it. I’m not gay. Not that that would be an issue but yeah it’s frustrating when my comfort in being that way is insulted for we should all be more like them in my opinion. My dad, my sisters partner and my close friends are men I’m proud to know and also be like.
I’ve always had an identity crisis especially when it comes to my background and culture. Because of the way I was raised. I was raised with love as the focus and that I’m grateful for. No religion. No real insight into my ethnic background other than simply being from there. I’ve been conditioned to be most British culturally from being raised here and I’m now proud of that because none of those men/boys who did those things to my sister were proper English if you know what I mean. I’ve never been the type to criticise multiculturalism I’m living proof of its success but the way some of yous are behaving is really not on to a point where I understand why ‘proper brits’ don’t want ‘us’ here. We must hold each other accountable as men when it comes to how we treat women at every level no matter where we’re from or what we’re taught to believe.
I didn’t want to post this. It feels performative but I’ve spent the whole night trying to make my sister feel better. It’s 3:50 and ive not really been asked how I’m doing. I don’t mind it of course cos it didn’t effect me as much but it definitely did effect me. Not many I feel I can talk to about a lot of things and I need to change that. I often thing talking helps you feel better which is why I should do it more but also acknowledge as much as sharing something can make you feel better the problem still exists. My whole project is built around vulnerability. Me expressing what bothers me publicly and once announcing it making it my priority to improve whatever it is I’m upset about cos usually lots of what I’m upset about isn’t emotional it’s about mistreatment of those most vulnerable.
This feels more personal than anything I’ve ever experienced before. It’s a deep rooted issue where I feel I can never switch my passion to oppose this issue off. It’s now inbred in my character. I’m a character who’s made mistakes before as a young man like everyone else has who wants to make a difference in making peoples lives better especially women’s.
My friends have gone off to uni and I love them for that. I’m still helping my family business because I love them for that. My main passion is in artistically seeing myself in everyone yet I feel awful. Me feels awful. I want to be the best version of myself and have a girlfriend who’s my best friend. That’s all I want. This is my current therapy. Documenting my personal experiences giving my thoughts and hoping one day a baddie agrees x. Maybe it is performative.
